Tonight I went to Zumba class. It didn't end well. Here's why:
1. I have NO coordination whatsoever. This is mostly to blame on being an ex-swimmer. For those of you who don't know, swimmers are the kids who got thrown in the pool because we sucked at normal sports like soccer.
2. Rhythm. What rhythm? I gave up dance years ago. I got kicked out of ballet class and can only dance like Beyonce after a cocktail.
3. I'm tall (and awkward). I really wish I could drop it low...but tonight proved otherwise.
5. I can't shake what my mama gave me...because she gave me none. Sorry mom, but I got dad's flat, flat butt.
6. The teacher is crazy and questionably on drugs. Not kidding.
7. I have no right to be at the gym. It's true. I should be home pinning or better yet, at happy hour.
8. I'm only used to suburban Zumba, not city Zumba. Suburban Zumba is filled with housewives and high-schoolers . . . not professionals who go to art school and have been finalists on SYTYCD.
9. I suck at positioning. Being the blonde I am, I situated myself in the only corner of the room where the teacher was NO WHERE TO BE SEEN. This meant I had absolutely no idea what was going on. None.
10. I waited until March to have a New Year's resolution. Actually, I waited until I overdosed on pizza. Long story short, no one told me that each class was an accumulation of moves from the week past.
Side notes: Seeing myself dance in the mirror, I want to apologize to all those who have ever gone out with me on a Saturday night. I also want to apologize to the girl next to me. Poor thing, had to witness a train wreck up close and personal.